


From the First Old Fashioned We Were Cursed

by lforevermore



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love, and is all emotional hurt and no comfort, this is really just catharsis for me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-09
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-05-04 08:15:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14588814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lforevermore/pseuds/lforevermore
Summary: We never had a shotgun shot in the dark.----"Should I apologize?""I don't know. Did you mean it?"





	From the First Old Fashioned We Were Cursed

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be honest, I don't want to talk about this one.

 

They were drunk, it was stupid, and it shouldn’t have been a big deal.

Except it was. Everything had changed, and yet everything was still the same. It was like it had never happened, or maybe it had happened in one of Gavin’s dreams. It certainly would have been a vivid dream, and flashes of it came back to Gavin as he nursed his hangover the next day, sense memory that couldn’t be avoided.

Brick wall against his back, harsh through his thin t-shirt. Whiskey on Michael’s breath, and then the taste of whiskey, sugar, and citrus on Gavin’s lips. The sound of the street just beyond the alley, cars on wet pavement. Michael’s hand on Gavin’s jaw with a touch so soft that Gavin just leaned into it. The press of their bodies, suddenly close, suddenly so very real and dream-like at the same time.

It was a line that they hadn’t crossed before, but it was one that Gavin had wanted to trample over so many times, over and over again. And Michael knew that – had known that, hadn’t he? Hadn’t Gavin communicated his feelings in a very painful conversation at least once before? Michael had let him down easy that time, and Gavin hadn’t asked again.

But maybe, maybe Michael had been thinking about it. Maybe it was something that was on the table, after all, maybe it was something Gavin was allowed to hope for, was allowed to think about again. But then again, they’d been drunk. They did a lot of stupid things when they were drunk, it was something that they were good at – stupid drunk shenanigans that they could laugh about later.

Gavin wasn’t laughing.

God, his head hurt. He needed water and an aspirin. He was pretty sure he was out.

That’s okay, Gavin thought darkly – he was used to wanting things he couldn’t have.

 

Gavin was stilted at work the next day. It’s obvious Michael wants to pretend like it never happened, and Gavin wonders if he even remembers. It should be easy between them and the terrible thing is that it still _is_ , it’s like nothing has changed, nothing significant has happened, like Gavin hasn’t gotten a taste of what he’s always wanted.

It tasted like whiskey and sugar and citrus, in case anyone was wondering.

Finally it welled up in Gavin’s chest and he had to escape, to the bathroom to breathe, stare at himself in the mirror, eyes drawn to his own lips. He didn’t hear the bathroom door open and close, but he did hear the lock being thrown, and when he looked over…

Well, his heart started racing, hopeful despite Gavin’s best attempts to douse it, because Michael stood there, leaning against the door, and watched him.

Gavin sighed, dropped his head to look at the sink, and then back up at himself in the mirror.

“Should I apologize?” Michael asked, just as steady as ever.

“I don’t know,” Gavin admitted. “Did you mean it?”

The silence that followed was all the answer that Gavin needed.

“God, Michael.” He wanted to scream and cry, but all Gavin does is grip the edges of the sink. “Don’t _do_ this to me. I can’t…”

“I shouldn’t have put you in that position, and I’m sorry,” Michael said. “Really, I am. It was… it was a stupid thing to do.”

“You _know_ how I feel about you,” Gavin said. “You can’t just kiss me and not mean it, Michael, I can’t do that.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Michael said again, and it really didn’t make Gavin feel any better.

He looked down at the sink again, thought about every hope he might have had swirling down the drain like the water.

“Are we okay?” Michael asked, and Gavin suddenly wanted to laugh.

Of course they were, Gavin thought, they had to be, because Michael was a planet and Gavin was the moon, caught in his orbit and constantly, constantly circling. Gavin was completely unable to extract himself from Michael’s gravity now, even though he was pretty sure it would be a lot easier on his heart.

“Please,” Gavin said, and it sounded hollow and desperate to his own ears. “Don’t do this to me again.”

“I won’t,” Michael said, and he sounded like he meant it, which was just as devastating as it was reassuring. “Gavin, you know you’re too important to me to-“

“I’m _tired_ of being important,” Gavin admitted softly. “I’m tired of being too important to risk, I just want to be _loved_ and _wanted_ , and so you should never, ever do this to me again.”

Silence, and then, “I won’t,” just as soft.

Gavin nodded. He heard the lock slide over again, and this time he heard the door open and close. He didn’t look up, but he knew he’d have to follow sooner or later.

Whiskey, sugar, and citrus.

Gavin hated himself suddenly, because he knew this would come up again in his mind, again and again, different ways it could have gone, all the things he wished could happen that just weren’t to be his.

He looked up at the mirror and took a deep breath, telling himself that it was okay. It was all going to be okay.

After all, he had grown used to wanting things that he couldn’t have.


End file.
